Sports agents are fair game.

With many of my friends already playing in the NFL and some about to make the jump to the big time, I’ve decided to make a list of the five things to consider when picking a sports agent.

1. Your agent should fall somewhere between Arliss Michaels and Jerry Maguire.
In other words, pick someone who falls between getting their jersey “pre-retired” and screaming “I love black people” into a ’90s flip phone.

2. Don’t trust any agent that has a MySpace page.
Self-explanatory. Everyone knows MySpace is only for pedophiles, old people, and “Tom.”

3. Same goes for Facebook.
Any agent who bases his “sell” on a friend request or challenging you to a competitive game of Mafia Wars probably doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

4. Don’t pick an agent who insults you.
Sounds obvious, right? True story: A player who got drafted put a prospective agent on speakerphone. The conversation turned south once said player informed the caller he’d already chosen an agent. This agent responded “F— you! You suck! I don’t need your money anyway.”

Classy.

5. Don’t count out showmanship.
I know the old adage of going for the sizzle and not the steak, and sure, a sound legal background and contract expertise is a prerequisite for any agent, but let’s not count out flash and cash.

Drew Rosenhaus is nothing if not a showman. He showed up to a certain friend’s house in a Lamborghini. I’m sure this player would have gone elsewhere if Mr. Rosenhaus was rolling in an ’84 Ford Tempo (with or without the whitewalls).

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *